In a regression I visualized the source of my lack of self-love. The first person I chose to relegate to the background was myself, always thinking that I should make others happy and understand their moments of anger, stress, never hurt their feelings, no matter how much they hurt me. I looked at my image in the mirror and I found myself ugly, I could only see my faults, my lack of femininity.
Although I recognized (after many years with positive affirmations) my qualities and even saw myself as less "hideous", my perception of myself always went back to a certain demotion of myself before the others, that was until the moment I understood where those feelings came from.
In 1570, in feudal Japan, I was a very beautiful geisha, who lived a forbidden romance and as a punishment, had half her face burned, turning her/me into a demon (the so-called oni, using this character to survive and hide the scars) and scaring the travelers in the forest where she lived.
In that incarnation, after suffering the burn, I no longer wanted to look at my face, I denied my femininity, assuming a male role to survive the margins of a society that would not accept me.
The first image that came in the regression was that of the demon mask on my face and that was how I saw myself, far removed from the exuberant geisha that had once been.
Resigning the incarnation, taking that woman to a safe place, to live her love and to be happy, the very interaction with myself changed from then on. It was interesting that a few hours after completing the resignification, I had a touch of that personality, touching my arm in such a gentle, feminine and loving way as I had never done before.
This was only an incarnation - the most outstanding one - that started a lack of self-love with the feeling printed and kept in my unconscious for almost 500 years, repeating the same pattern of internal disaffection that was one of the factors to build a person locked and blocked regarding being able to be well with herself.
The lack of self-love makes us stop giving ourselves what we should, thinking that it isn't our place to receive our own attention, tenderness, care, sacrificing ourselves for others and then demanding something from them that we were unable to provide, creating a debt that wouldn't have to exist if we looked inside.
The presence of self-love makes us not go beyond the reasonable limits of giving ourselves, not giving more than we offer ourselves, not implementing a blind egotism, but recognizing that we also need attention, affection and care. With self-love, our own company is pleasurable, not having to beg the attention and love of others or even being in a relationship that causes pain and suffering simply because you are afraid to be alone. Being alone with yourself ceases to be a torment and becomes a joy.
How about investigating your self-love?
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